On one hand, we have some really competent young people coming out of our schools. On the other hand some of these competent people coming out of these schools are lacking in character.

Ask any business owner today what the top problems are with workers and they will overwhelmingly say:

1 – Showing up on time

2 – Doing the job ‘even’ when others might not be watching (which by the way IS the true test of one’s character)

3 – Having a positive attitude

4 – Getting rid of that ‘you owe me’ mentality and behavior that go with it and come creeping into the workplace

No don’t get me wrong – We do have many great young people and workers in this country of ours – BUT – What I have found out over 25 years and speaking to over 2 million people is that the issues we are seeing in today’s headlines are not ones of competency – they are character issues – or lack thereof.

Let me ask you this question – Did the following people get into the headlines for their behavior related to their competency or behavior related to their character?

• Charlie Sheen
• Lindsay Lohan
• Britney Spears
• Tiger Woods
• Ben Roethlisberger
• Brett Favre

C’mon you know the answer to this!

Now here’s something very important to understand – Not one of these people are “bad” people. They are just people who made “poor choices.” Sure their choices might have been off the charts but they are not bad people.

They are all extremely “competent” people in their chosen field. Many of us just wish we had some of their talent. BUT it was not their talent, skills or competency that got them into trouble and into the headlines – It was their character.

I have been the lead consultant with the Ohio High School Athletic Association for the past 25 years. I am the founder and creator of their Respect The Game – Respect Yourself online “proven program” for success for coaches, captains, athletes and parents at the middle and high school level that is sweeping the nation. (Check out www.rgry.org when you have a chance so you can see what I mean)

Tiger, Ben and Brett are NOT bad people BUT someplace
along the way, someone dropped the ball. Some adult around
them missed a golden opportunity to:

• TEACH them right from wrong
• ENFORCE and hold them accountable to the rules they were to be expected to honor both on and off the field of play
• ADVOCATE that they can be better than what they are choosing to do or what they are seeing around them
• MODEL to them that even though they are incredible athletes, they will be held to the same standards as everyone else on the team

Something happened. Something terribly went wrong in there thinking and behavior pattern that resulted in their reputationand how they are going to be remembered for the rest of their life.

It is that something that I am after in my Respect The Game – Respect Yourself program at www.rgry.org I am helping coaches, captains, athletes, parents and booster club officers raise the bar for sportsmanship, ethics & integrity 24/7/365. I am trying to influence our future workforce in this country one middle and one high school at a time.

Now let me ask you this – Do you think that if Tiger, Ben or Brett were involved with the Respect The Game – Respect Yourself online program when they were younger, they might not have ended up on the front page of the newspaper for their “poor choices?”

You and I both know that the younger you learn about the value and importance of being “intentional” in your character, the better the payoff will be in your day to day life.

Being “intentional” is taking the initiative to evaluate, understand and change (if necessary) “your behavior” as you are going through life. When you learn about yourself and the power that you have in the direction of your life – things will change for the better!

Do you know how threatening that is to some people? Some people will ask the question; “Why should I focus on “my behavior?” There are two reasons for analyzing your own behavior. First, the only thing you have total control over is your own behavior. Second, the most effective way to make an impact on the character of those around you is leading by example.

It’s important to remember, you are not responsible for changing the world by yourself. However, the writer Edmund Everett Hale might have said it best, “I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything I will not refuse to do the something that ‘I’ can do.”

To help you choose your direction, the following pages contain thought provoking and practical information on what I call…

The 5 Most Important Rules Of Good Character Your Kids Need To Know

Remember the book Everything I Ever Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarten? It’s been said by many that if everything I ever needed to know about ethics was taught in kindergarten, I must have been absent a lot.

And when it comes to being a parent, you never get an owners manual with the role you are in. In fact, you get more instructions with a new microwave! On the job experience can either be great or something that drops you to your knees.

The following are just 5 off my list of what I think are the most important rules of good character we need to teach, enforce, advocate & model to the kids we live and work with.

Step back for a moment and see if you agree with me on these 5 rules. See if you agree with me that if we just started by sitting down and really teaching our young people the importance of these 5 rules that our world would be a better place.

1. Don’t Try To Compartmentalize Ethics

There is no such thing as sports ethics, business ethics, workplace ethics, medical ethics, relationship ethics, political ethics or leadership ethics; it’s just ethics!

Some people believe that you can compartmentalize ethics. They believe it is possible to live a certain way on the job and live an entirely different life in private.

You’ve heard the expression “Whatever they do in their private life is private.” Well, yes and no. Yes, it is private. But what you do in private is the real test of your character.

Living a life of high standards in the public eye but cheating on your girlfriend, spouse or last exam is a double standard that does not hold up to the test of what good character really is.

If you are choosing to be an ethical person, it becomes an obligation, not an option to do the right thing both in public and in private.

Ethics is not a light switch that you can turn on and off at your convenience. You can’t have one set of ethics for your school life, one for your sports life, one for your friend life, one for your family life, one for your job life, one for your social life, one for your leadership life and another for your private life.

People of good character understand that you need to be ethical in all walks of life. People of good character teach that if something a person is thinking about doing would be questionable in any other setting, then don’t do it.

Yes it’s true that everything is legal in your mind. It’s what you act out that will get you into trouble. And finally, the best way to teach, and yes the most difficult, is to model doing the right thing in all walks of life.

2. Ethics Is Not For Wimps

It’s not easy being a good person. As they say, it’s easier said than done. It takes a lot to live an ethical life in an ever-changing aggressive world.

The pressure around us to downplay the importance of living an ethical life is ever increasing. “Winning is everything,” “Live for the now,” “Take what you can get,” “Do whatever it takes,” and phrases like “Go for the gusto,” or “You’re only young once” tear away at living an ethical life.

Just turn on “Jersey Shore,” “Skins” or other “reality” shows and you’ll agree with me that young people we live and work with are being bombarded with messages that contradict living a life of good character. And it’s not just young people watching those shows either.

It’s one thing to think about good and bad or right and wrong, but how do you communicate about ethics on a practical level so it makes sense? How do you apply it to the real world in a way that actually makes a difference in how people behave? How do you talk about virtue and character and responsibility in ways that don’t alienate people?

Knowing the right thing to do is one thing. Doing the right thing is another. And doing the right thing even when it might be costly or risky is even more of an effort.

The bottom line is that being a person of good character is not easy. It takes work. It takes effort. It takes a commitment to be better than what you might be seeing around you. That’s why being described by others, as a person of good character is such a highly regarded achievement.

And think about the people that are watching us. It could be your brother, sister, son, daughter, husband, wife, girlfriend, boyfriend, players, parents, colleagues, employees, community members or a host of others. Do you think they notice the decisions you make? Do you think those watching you are hearing your verbal and non-verbal messages? C’mon you know the answer, don’t you?

Those that are watching are much more likely to do as you do not as you say. You know that your actions will speak louder than your words. What you say means nothing to them if you aren’t living your own words. Others will always be watching how you cope with difficult decisions, people, and events. It’s just human nature to do this.

When the “pop quizzes” come up in life, where we have to make a decision, they will all know the choices that you will make based upon the behavior you display. And as we know from experience, “Behavior Never Lies.”

From the choices you make, everyone around you will notice whether you’re accountable or make up excuses, whether you deal with or avoid problems. That’s just reality.

Your behavior speaks volumes to everyone around you. Everything we say and do sends a message. So if you want to help the people around you build the type of character you’re proud of, always act as if they’re watching. And you know what? They are.

3. Keep Checking Your Moral Compass

I grew up in a hunting family in Wisconsin – I’m a Cheesehead and I love it. My Dad always told me to make sure I had a compass with me when I went into the woods so that I wouldn’t get lost.

But you know what? Nobody ever told me about keeping a moral compass so I wouldn’t get lost in my day-to-day life.

You see, I think it’s important for us to keep checking our own moral compass on a regular basis in order to keep us from getting off track.

If you want to live a life of good character then it must be premeditated on your part. You must learn about character. You must start to become it. You must practice character. You must live it “in action.” Like I just said, it becomes purposeful and it becomes premeditated.

In order to keep the bar of good character raised, you must judge the choices you make on a daily basis with virtues of good character. You must be the one who does this.

Now some people believe that it’s wrong to be judgmental of the choices we make. They equate legality with morality: if it’s legal they just think it’s ethical; if it’s acceptable, they think it’s appropriate.

I want you to think about something – ethics is not simply abiding by the law; it is living up to core ethical virtues like honor, duty, trustworthiness, honesty, and integrity. It’s living up to other core values like respect, courage, responsibility, fairness and kindness to name just a few.

If you really think about it – good character is simply ethics “in action.” Good character is making good choices “EVEN” when no one is watching – I think that part is critical! For sons and daughters, it’s when your parents are NOT watching.

For athletes, it’s when the coach is not watching. For coaches, it’s when athletes and parents are not watching. For employees in a business, it’s making good choices EVEN when the boss isn’t watching. You see…Good character is about being disciplined, principled purposeful and premeditated 360 degrees! In all walks of life and in everything you do!

So with all that said you can see that it’s the choices YOU make in all of these areas that will determine not only who you are but will also determine the direction your moral compass will be leading you.

4. Remember, You Can Always Be Better Than The Behavior You See Around You

Have you ever heard people say something like “But I’m only human,” “OK, I made a mistake” or “I’m not perfect?”

There isn’t one amongst us who hasn’t said or done something and moments later said “What a dumb, stupid thing to say or do!” We’ve all made our share of poor choices. That’s why we have flat foreheads! And many of us know others that have made even worse choices than the ones we have made. But, don’t fall into the trap of condoning the excuse of “I’m not so bad, there are others that are worse.”

People of good character choose not to adopt other people’s worst behavior as a standard or norm. This mentality diminishes a person’s responsibility for being ethical and moral.

“But I’m only human” is another trap we fall into. Only human? As if one’s humanness is an excuse for bad behavior. Our humanness gives us the opportunity to raise the bar for ethics and integrity. People of good character know they have the power and the control to make better choices and be better than those around them. People of good character demand better from themselves and others. People of good character know the ultimate test of character is the willingness to do the right thing despite the costs and risks and to do it without any expectation of approval or advantage, simply because it is the right thing to do.

5. People Of Good Character Are Teachers To Others Around Them

William Arthur Ward said: “The mediocre teacher tells. The good teacher explains. The superior teacher demonstrates. The great teacher inspires.”

People of good character are people who strive to inspire. They know they have to earn both trust and respect through their own behavior. As stated before, their behavior speaks volumes.

Theodore Roosevelt said, “To educate a person in the mind but not the morals is to educate a menace to society.” We have an obligation to educate others about what we are learning about good character. We are the teachers of the next generation. This may take courage, but that is what people of good character stand for.

People of good character have the courage to stand their ground when they believe they are right. They walk their talk. Their modeling is one of the best examples of the lessons they want others to learn. People of good character know when to use their authority, when to give advice, and when to hold back and wait. They know that “leading” is an active verb and as a result they can become a catalyst to impactful action by the example they provide.

Through their own modeling they teach and inspire, change minds and attitudes, and mobilize action. Who do you know who is like this?

These people become the vehicle to focus on issues such as acts of bullying, disrespect, racism, cheating, vulgar language being used, plagiarism, binge drinking, or the lack of adherence to and enforcement of rules of conduct.

They know that their stand on these and other issues might not become popular with some. But they also know that many of those in opposition to their stance are in the group that is not making the good choices in the first place. Sure, these issues are harder to address, but that’s why we need leaders of good character.

Welcome the new ‘Its All About Character Website’. We will be keeping you updated with a number of resources to spread the message of character and ethics in our schools, institutions, and businesses.

We look forward to making a difference every day for more than 16 million secondary school students by helping them move towards positive choices when they face a disciplinary action. Through the use of the latest technology and the deep positive psychological expertise of our team we produce programs that will help to not only create better citizens but will also help to bring about the next ‘great generation’.